Breathe in,
breathe out.

You were never really that good at anatomy.

You’re not sure where the problem is–
the lungs,
a snag in the windpipe?
What is the diagnosis for
when a smile reaches out
and crushes your heart
with the ice in its fingers
until every breath you
exhale is a cry for
help?

You’re not a stranger to this.

This is a familiar feeling to you:
claws–
tipped with frostbite,
tightening,
tightening;
Blood drawn,
sealed with a caress;

But why does it continue to feel like
you’ve only started feeling yesterday?

You can’t breathe, you can’t breathe,
you can’t breathe, you can’t breathe,
you can’t breathe, you can’t breathe,
you can’t breathe, you can’t breathe.

You look down at your chest.
It’s the same color as it’s always been.

You wipe your palm over the skin
where your heart supposedly lays
beneath,
and it comes back dry;

It doesn’t make sense.

You can’t breathe, you can’t breathe,
you can’t breathe, you can’t breathe,
you can’t breathe, you can’t breathe,
you can’t breathe, you can’t breathe.

You were never really that good at anatomy,
but somehow you’ve never forgotten how the circulatory system works.

Blue blood comes in,
the heart turns it red
(because the body needs it to be red),
red blood comes out;

A never-tiring cycle.

On nights like this,
you wonder how much of that stands–
when it’s like your body’s
pulled the reverse card,
and suddenly your blood
decides to turn around
and go the wrong
direction and the red
blood is entering and
the blue blood is
leaving and the aortic
valve is tearing and
the ventricles are filling
with screams instead of
hemoglobin and you’re trying
to figure out what’s
the purpose of lungs
when it only takes
a few words and
your own thoughts to
take away the biological
function of breathing and
you can’t breathe, you
can’t breathe, you can’t
breathe–

–you can’t breathe, you can’t breathe,
you can’t breathe, you can’t breathe,
you can’t breathe, you can’t breathe,
you can’t breathe, I can’t breathe–

You plead the night sky for
help;

The night sky looks back at you.
Pity? Disappointment?

Try to breathe in.
Try to breathe out.

Try to breathe in.

Can we make it through tonight?

–ย “Insecurity”

LL.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s