Has this bed always been so big?
I can accomplish a full roll in it now,
when once upon a time
I could barely splay my arms about
without worrying about punching something I shouldn’t.

I should be grateful about all this space.
It’s refreshing to be able to sleep without being aware
of every twist and turn I make in the night.

Yet, somehow,
freedom constricts me;

All this space you once occupied–
it’s funny, but I’ve subonsciously left it bare?

Maybe some part of me believes if I keep it open,
you’ll come back to claim it.

That this is but a nightmare,
and when I wake up at 11 in the morning,
you’ll be right there,
sadistically invading my personal space
like the pretty little jerk you always were.

That maybe I wasn’t really left alone.

But I wake up at 2, or 3, or 4 in the morning,
and you’re still not there to catch my fears and put me back to sleep.

Like you did,
once.

–Β “Marissa, iii.”

LL.

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