Has this bed always been so big?
I can accomplish a full roll in it now,
When once upon a time
I could barely splay my arms about without
Worrying about punching something I
Shouldn’t.

I should be grateful about all this space.
It’s refreshing to be able to sleep without being aware of
Every twist and turn I make in the night.

But somehow,
Freedom constricts me;

All this space you once occupied….
It’s funny, but I’ve unconsciously left it bare?
Maybe some part of me believes if I keep it open,
You’ll come back to claim it.
That this is but a nightmare,
And when I wake up at 11 in the morning
You’ll be right there,
Sadistically invading my personal space like the pretty little jerk you always were.
That maybe this is just a really dry joke to teach me a
Well-needed lesson.
That maybe I wasn’t really left alone.
That maybe this isn’t an ending, but a delayed beginning.

But I wake up at 2, or 3, or 4 in the morning,
And somehow you’re still not there to catch my fears and put me back to sleep.

Like you did,
once.

–Β “Marissa, iii.”

LL.

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