Isn’t it funny
“No one can love you better than yourself!”
Always seems to come
From those with their lips on another’s, or
Those with hearts so shattered they’d grasp at anything to lessen the pain?

Did you really think
I’d take you seriously
When I’m choking on screams and
Puking out the regrets of yesterday and
Bleeding the dread of facing another endless tomorrow;

When my fists are in my hair
In my eyes
In my gut
Clawing and tearing
And gouging
As if the pain would take the pain away
Even for just a fraction of a second
Just to let me think;

When my blood is lava
And my tears are ash
Threatening to swallow me
To claim me
To take over what’s left of who I am;

When the walls are closing in
Trapping me
And yet remain solid and unmoving and
So damn steady
Just when everything’s supposed to be
Spinning out of control
Like they were built to mock me
How beautiful it must be to stain them with blood;

When I’m wondering how a few white pills can be so heavy
And I look at my hands and
Realize they’re
With the weight of my life
And I’m glancing at my phone
And thinking
Who to call
Who to call
Who to call….

And remember this;

Remember the warmth of a hand around yours
The stolen glances
‘I miss you’ texts at 2 AM
Hugs so unbelievably right you could feel yourself melting,

Remember even the way your heart leapt
When you’re told somebody wants to know you better
Of being pursued
Like there’s something worth pursuing in you
Like you’re actually valuable–

And remember that
It isn’t blood
Or any written contract,
Remember that it’s not their obligation to stay
But they do,
Because you’re not “needed,”
Remember that you’re
Ah, what a foreign word.

So cheers to those
Who aren’t broken but aren’t fixed
Who wonder if you have to be fixed in the first place in order to be broken
If being broken would be less painful
Than being unloved,

Who are so tired
Oh, so tired
Of trying — pretending — to love themselves,
Because really, they’re fine,
Since no one really can love you better than yourself,
Even at the cost of running out
Of love to give.

– “Dried Well”



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