Her hair was up in a ponytail
The first time I saw her,
She was sitting all alone
Over there in the corner,
She was reading my favorite book,
And I couldn’t hear what my friends were saying
Because she looked like God’s gift to mankind;
And I wanted to tell my friends I liked her,
but I can’t.

Her hair was long and wavy
And she put on too much makeup
On our first date,
Like she was trying too hard to look beautiful,
As if she wasn’t already,
She ordered a salad when I could hear her stomach rumbling
Because she thought she was fat,
As if I cared,
So I ordered big steaks for both of us;
And I wanted to introduce her to my parents,
but I can’t.

Her hair was messy
As we lazed in my car,
It was our fifth anniversary
And we’ve our college degrees down at the back,
We were celebrating,
She was laughing,
So was I,
And oh my god she’s beautiful,
She confessed she was a hopeless romantic
And I confessed I was only a hopeless romantic when I was with her;
And I wanted to ask her to marry me,
but I can’t.

Her hair had a few grey streaks,
I noticed as we were sitting on the porch,
It was our thirty-fifth anniversary
And she looked as beautiful as the first time I saw her,
We lived away from our families,
Away from everyone we knew,
She cooked me breakfast every morning
And I rubbed her back every night;
And I wanted to have children with her,
but I can’t.

Now I think her hair is in a tight bun,
I can’t tell for sure
When she’s six feet underground,
But I’m sure she still looks as beautiful as always,
I buried her with our favorite book
To keep herself busy while she waits
For me;
And I wanted to give her
The amazing life she deserved,
but I can’t.

You must have thought
That the narrator was a man,
That I was a man,
But I’m not,
Even if I wanted
To become a man for her,
To become a man
For society,
I’m not,
I will never be;
And all I wanted was to love her,
And be with her forever,
And shout it to the whole world,
but I can’t.

If loving the person I love
Is a sin,
Then let me go to hell,
Hell is paradise compared to being alone….
I am alone;
No children,
No family,
No her;
And I’m trying my best to live by myself,
Trying my best to live without her,
Because I want to continue on living
For her,
Really, I do–
but I can’t.

–Β “Things I Can’t Do”

LL.


An old poem inspired by a dear friend from high school.

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